He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize