Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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