They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
