My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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