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Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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