I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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