im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
