I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
