He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
