I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
