And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
