careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize