are you still at the devil's house?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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