you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
