are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
