I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
