YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Actions speak louder than pants.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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