Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
