you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
