Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
