We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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