I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
