first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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