I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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