so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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