I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize