oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
