He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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