theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize