Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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