I just pynch a tree in the face
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize