Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Randomize
