Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
