I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
