I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
