so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
