I skipped work to stalk him.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
