I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
