She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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