She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
