last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
