Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
