no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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