My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
