Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I want is dick and wine.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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