apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize