i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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