I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we're making bets on your personal life
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
third nipple confirmed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
