I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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