look no pants
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
BRING THE BAGELS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
