Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize