she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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