I hate all girls vehemently.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
