What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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