the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
