i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
