North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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