i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
