M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
