:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
