For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
