At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
