I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
