i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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