It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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