btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize