Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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