I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
