Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
