Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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