I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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