and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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