I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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