I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
