And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
