I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
