Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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