But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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