i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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