i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
