We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize