If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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