I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
