You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize