Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
