I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
