AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
