we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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