haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
